i think my tv is drunk
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
