I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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