clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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