Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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