we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
