I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
