Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
