So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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