NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
