She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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