I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
