PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sext me about skeletons
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
