ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
