we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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