around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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