i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
