Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
