He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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