Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
