$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
