you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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