So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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