Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
