Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
