My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
