My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
