apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
