if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
