his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Randomize
