party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
