If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
