I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
