I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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