Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
