lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
