OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
