Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
