bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
