Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
