Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
