I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
