Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize