is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
