Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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