While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
