I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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