Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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