grandma shit on top of the toilet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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