so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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