We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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