she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
