Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
