I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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