grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
