His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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