I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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