maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
