Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
