im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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