I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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