Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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