Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
