Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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