STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
