I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
