i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
