Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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