do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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